One of the greatest things that happened to me post divorce was that I had prayed with great intention for friends. I had been somewhat obscured from them and making them in my married, stay home with babies life was impossible. They just didn't happen for me. Don't get me wrong, I have wonderful family...but truly 'call you up everyday and bitch and laugh friends' well it all eluded me. It left me somewhat spooked and bewildered. So I prayed and asked and waited...
Friends showed up when I was going through the worst of the worst and I just said one little word, help.
It was hard to put myself out there. I was selling real estate in a local office and there were work things I went to for sure, but not many 'friend things.' One day I opened up. I had to or I was going to burst. They heard me, they saw me, and I saw them. People need people.
Shortly there after like a million stars in a black night Friends appeared. They thought I had had such a full fleshed out life that they didn't think I really wanted or needed them. What I lacked those years I was paid by the universe ten-fold! I have 'groups' of friends. Friends that I went to school with, lost touch and now see, talk to, meet up with. I have real estate buddies (women wisdom keepers) that have been dubbed the Vagina Mafia - we've gone on weekends together, call on each other for support, text for laughs, and show up when most needed. I have work friends that lost touch but reconnect here and there. I have second job friends that when we see each other any time we had been apart melts. And recently I have a new group of friends beginning where I work now - and every time there is a new person, a new friend, it does not go unnoticed and a little prayer of thanks goes up.
To have a friend you must be a friend. You must listen, witness both pain and joy, show up, be crazy, be quiet, be human - be you.
My kids and I have a very non-traditional life since the divorce. It appears normal but it's pretty fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. It's fast moving, a lot of communication (about EVERYTHING) which I'm told is a miracle with 2 teenage boys. We laugh and we bare our souls, our fears- they know I don't have all the answers, hell, sometimes I don't even know the question...but here's the key: We Ask. We Find. It happens.
We value each other and pretty much everyone else. I truly wouldn't have it any other way. Weekends with the kids usually entails a house full of teenage boys, good boys. Pasta feeds all. My kids understand friendships and their entire lives will be rich for it.
Go out of your comfort zone, it's hard sometimes, but it gets easier! Float a comment in company you would like to keep "maybe we should hang out sometimes' or 'lets meet for coffee' sometimes a group is easier to start out with- but do it, you won't be sorry! And that moment, when that beautiful moment happens... when the words 'My Friend' are uttered, say a prayer - more will surely come your way!
Much friendship and happiness to you!
Namaste
