The other day I found out I have a mild infection which made everything seem correct...the aches and pains, the emotional crap, and the 'no I'm not getting up early I'm laying here as long as I can and then I want toast.' But still I was blue - I've got alot going on and have to reel myself in from worrying about things a year from now, know what I mean? And when you are under the weather, it seems that all that shit that you keep at bay - all the crap you can manage and handle on a normal day seems to come for you. It tries to get you. And sometimes it does. So I just let the words my brother told me comfort me - 'Some days you win, some days the day wins, but there's always tomorrow.' That tapped my Scarlett O'Hara big time and went in my little case of 'Life Coping Skills.'
As you know I've been working my ass off for this class. I will most likely pass and even if the grade is a C (EEK!) it will be the most gratifying grade thus far because I have never worked this hard in a class in my life. Ever. I did that Annotated Bibliography (read Bane of my current existence) and I earned a fantastic grade on it which blew my mind! I had no one to tell though that would really give more than half a shit for me. I missed my mom. She would listen, she was a great listener when she was doing well, and she would hear the work I put into it and she would cheer for me and it would be REAL and she would make me feel like the Annotated Bibliography Olympic Champ. So I did the next best thing - I called my brother John. It was mid morning and I was out on the lake in my kayak and had my phone so I rowed to the middle and relaxed and dialed....
"Hello?"
"Hey John it's me."
"Hey! Whatcha up to kid?"
"I'm on the water on my kayak, I'm down" Insert beginning of tears "I miss mom."
"So you're on your Kayak? But today It's a Cry-ak?" Insert smile and soft cry
"Yes." and then laughter because you can't stay sad when you talk to John.
"Ok, well are you, ya know...stable? You're not in some ceremonial robe ready to dive to the bottom right?" he giggles
Then I just start laughing through disappearing tears.
He cracks me up and immediately my mood has changed from sad to 'this shit is funny this life is funny and it's not getting the best of me today'
I wish everyone a 'John' be it friend or brother or both that can ground them in happiness right away. Ceremonial Robe - haha, no, but I was close.
Then we started talking and he recanted the time I accidentally butt dialed him while he was at work (he's a highschool teacher) and I was sitting by the water at 7AM. I was having one of my meditative moments on a day off and all he could hear were the loud honks of the 50 or so geese around me. He got worried and thought I was being attacked and devoured by a pack of wild carnivorous geese. He knew I was alone somewhere, )this is an ongoing somewhat tense thing with my family - that I do things alone. I hike alone, I kayak alone, I swim alone - but that's just me, it's always been me. Trust me if I get the fear vibe or the 'something isn't right' vibe I move on.) So I hear this far away voice that sounds like someone talking across the lake...only the voice... it sounds familiar. Then I realize it's coming from my phone in my back pocket so I pick it up and it was John - we had a good laugh that day - no crime scene, no geese murder.
So I'm on the middle of lake with my mood improving and he's telling me about his new trailer and their upcoming camping trip. All of the sudden every dog that lives on the far side of the lake starts up and barks very loudly, if you live in a place like this you come to realize that they are all signaling one another like some canine instant alert system. Out of the corner of my eye I see this HUGE black dog on an expanse of lawn and a few seconds later I realize it's a HUGE BLACK BEAR. I tell John about the bear then ask "Can they swim?" He says "Start rowing they are excellent swimmers." So I start having a Bear-turned-Jaws moment and row away down further to my favorite abandoned house (see prior post). I had hung up the phone and was still laughing over ceremonial robes etc.
Two red-neck fisherman are trolling in a row boat and I know they hate me because I'm being recreational on a purple kayak of all things. One time I hit my paddle on the side of my kayak by accident and I guess it messed up their secret fishing spot and one threw half a sandwich at me. It landed in the water and trying to make peace I said "That's probably good bait!" to which the he replied in a scream like hissing whisper "SHUT-UP!" I didn't know what to do so I smiled brightly and said "Good Luck!" and as I turned to row he said "Fk off!" To which I started laughing uncontrollably and rowed away like a giggling mental case. So anyway they are trolling with the Terminator of all electrical motors like some freshwater version of Deadliest Catch, and on the other side of the lake close to my favorite abandoned house the bear reappears! He is huge and beautiful and black. They swoop close to the shore to get a better look and the Brooklyn in me thinks 'Good you dumb asses, He can outswim your boat! He will get you first and never see me while I make my getaway in an understated purple kayak!" I hung back and got some good pics the bear was majestic and rambling...
It was quite a day on the lake... There were eerie trees that nature had taken down, fallen half in/half out of the water. The sunken ones look ghostly and swollen in their various stages of decomposition. Those that stick out of the water have tons of baby turtles clinging to them. There are so many they look like little dark stone buttons, until you get up close - you have to move stealthily (especially in a purple kayak) because they pop off and dive quickly. I saw a whipping like fish in the water then realized it was a water snake - I was ready to abandon ship if it attacked, thankfully it did not. There was a bird that looked like a Hatchet Head and another one that looked kind of like a white flamingo they were lone wolves kind of like me. There was the bear. And the fishermen that hate me. All in all it was a good day - and it never fails that I leave the water a better person than when I arrived. I surrendered to the day and came out with some sort of truce, one with the day - the other with myself.
The sandwich throwers got bored and moved on though not without a few sneers in my direction. One day I will explain to them that we are kindred spirits on the water - they will most likely harpoon me. Today I wave at them happily. Because I was happy, and I am happy. And some days you win and some days the day wins, but there's always tomorrow. Always.
I wish for you humor and laughter - the best medicine God gave us
Namaste
