Up to Speed
I have received many emails in the last few weeks that went something like...."Hey what's up with the blog? You haven't been writing, is everything ok? and they finally from a close friend "You're blog has been quiet."
As always I am amazed and touched at the amount of folks who read it. A strange thing happened a few weeks ago and I went with it - All In.
To bring you up to speed - Currently I am in an online class that is condensed (read wtf was I thinking) a summer class of a mechanical like literature (again read wtf was I thinking) where the 'guts' -which is what I usually write - takes a back seat to the semi-colon, the comma, and the citations (truly WTF WAS I THINKING) But a good thing has come out of it and I can assure you it won't be a high GPA. I've realized, at heart, I am a writer. I am a clue observer. All the books, all the lessons were simply other souls leaving us a breadcrumb-like written confetti -scattered batches of clues on what it means to be human in the time you are given. I've put it to rest. Should I never publish a book, spark a dream, or change the world, I live my life knowing as the sun rises in the east that I am a writer - and that's ok. This class will pass, and hopefully so will I with at least a respectable B. I've given up on the A as it only serves to mock me and piss me off. 3 weeks left and believe me I am counting the minutes with every book I must read, analyze, and regurgitate. No fun really but no one said this business of going back to school, raising two young men, holding down a job, and dreaming of burning all the laundry was going to be easy. So it's one day at a time - one class, one credit at a time. This degree has become one of those things that I will not go to my grave without. It's that much. Up to speed with that and my current mental state - onward...
Looks like sun in a bowl
I went to my fathers and the spring lawn was filled with dandelions. I began picking them, and picking them and picking them with the intent of making dandelion wine. I found a 100 year old recipe that farmers used and decided this was the spring it was going to happen...I have long been smitten with ancient recipes before I became an unabashed Diet Coke head. I reveled in learning how the Romans purified their water (vinegar), how the aqueducts were built with such precision - the gallon count brought to the city, the desert dwellers that dug roots and drank, the water witch dowsers that are right on the money, and the survivalist who soaks up the morning dew with a bandanna and drinks. Water is holy to me as you all know. And I'm not quite right when I am away from it. I want to get back to drinking things that aren't so chemical that aren't so created in a lab...So currently in my bedroom walk in closet there is a two gallon homemade closed fermentation system going on that should fetch me 10 regular wine bottles of dandelion wine. My son saw the system and called me Mom Breaking Bad. (He really is a pisser this kid!) A hose connects to a sealed saline bottle and the gases bubble through. And just when I thought - How the hell can I possibly do this?? I thought of all the farmers that have been doing it for God knows how long. June 23 is the launch date for Crisy's Dandy Dandelion Wine - should it prove good I will be picking and fermenting en mas next spring. (Nice Christmas gifts!) And next year I want to make Meade (Honey Wine - read the epic Beo-Wulf, (Meade Halls how utterly romantic.!) So I am making wine in my bedroom closet - enter MY normal- onward...
My fermentation system...currently residing in my walk in closet
I don't even pretend to be 'normal' anymore
My Tiny Home dabble...
Somewhere in the last few weeks I was driving on Route 284 to the wildlife refuge to take my lunch break from work (sometimes you need to just escape even if its only for a while and sometimes you run screaming for solitude) I was about to turn onto Bassetts Bridge road when I spied a tin can trailer leaning precariously toward the edge of a property. After work I knocked on the door and asked if they wanted to sell it. $100 bucks they said. I checked it out and it was the right size to be my first reno/adventure toward Tiny Home Life. Sadly upon the further inspection of two friends (who know what the hell they are looking at) it was so outdated that just to move it would be $400 in and another (conservative )$2500) to get it up and going. So, after a couple of weeks of dreaming, youtubing trailer repair videos I was able to make a more educated and less emotional decision to pass on it. HOWEVER I will find one and reno it - my dad's on board with the idea and honestly I would love to do a project like that along his side - the guy is 75 and sprightly and I have memories of him building just about everything in our house growing up - a dad and daughter moment for sure. He did the back addition and was on a ladder asking me for a cup of Apple Juice and when I gave it to him he called in the Juice of the Gods - Funny what you hold onto from childhood. It'll happen - a trailer project- the Tiny Life Calls me daily. - onward...
Me on the Bay in LBI ...I had just learned how to stand a few minutes prior
Somewhere in all of this I went away and did a paddle board race with a friend that owns a shop. It was in LBI (my refuge any time of the year - preferably in the shore like Apocalypse of winter - I'm weird , I know , please don't state the obvious -just let it wash over you like Shakespeare and go with it.) And of course it couldn't be just a day in the bay - which happened to be unseasonably warm this time of year, it turned into a frigen full blown spiritual experience. I had a 15 minute instruction on how to get on the board, stand on the board, then row. The 'race' started and it was one mile around the bay. I have to admit I was running all kinds of scenarios which ranged from a shark attack and feeding frenzy to an unfortunate collision and speed boat accident. I put all that to rest and just paddled. The sun was hitting the water and every now and then there were these 'under the surface ' islands of vegetation that seemed to be floating like some sci-fi world in space - these amazed and delighted me. Paddle Boarding is no joke , it's strenuous and my arms went numb about halfway through. I entered some water zen zone and just kept paddling. And in the community of paddle boarders they cheer when you pass the finish line. You couldn't get the smile off my face. Then it occurred to me that you couldn't get me off the board. I laid on it in the shallow water, I dangled, and theynfinally I was sitting on it side saddle and it felt like a swing. My feet were on the soaked sand of the bottom and the sky felt as open as I was and the moment came - this is what had been missing in my life - play. Just to play, like a kid that wont get out of a pool even though the family bbq is done. That was me. And tears of relief came. Years upon years of time I wont get back, balls to the wall work schedules, saying yes to holiday pay when I really wanted to be with my kids but I really had to keep the fridge full and the lights on. It's over. Those times are done. It's time for play, it's good for the soul. I'm choosing a life of experience instead of things. When you make the right choice your belly lets you know - never doubt that. And get in the water if possible. Onward...
The Bay appears choppy in this spot but it was smooth as glass at the race
All of the chain of events that you have read above started with one decision. The Kayak. Folks that know me and read this know that I have been moving toward a life of decommodification for a while. From the material girl in the 80's to the tree hugger of today - so be it. (by the way if you buy local honey it does contain indigenous pollen that is proven to help build some kind of immunity for allergies) - See what I mean? Who walks around with this on their brain??
So I had been talking about a kayak for a long long time. I would pass the Wallkill River dropoff point wistfully wanting to be that person who would be boating down the river. I would look over brochures of rafting trips on the Delaware with a hushed awe. but something ALWAYS deterred the purchase - sports signups ($200) The boys needing shoes ($150) The water/hydro bill ($250) something always pushed it further away. But $10 here $25 there in a Kayak envelope and soon the $ was there. My son had a pickup truck and I said "Ok can you drive mom to the sporting goods place I think today is the day." That kid had me in the truck like lightening. We perused the store which always makes me crazy - consumerism on a grand scale makes me head for the hills.
I was after a small blue one, the only thing I knew to go one(at the advice of my paddle board friend) was a wide base for stability as a beginner and foot peddles because I would need them for leverage while paddling. The blue one didn't have foot peddles, and I didn't like the yellow (I've always found certain yellows to be stressy colors) but there was a purple one that had everything. But purple?? Oh my.
It was then that my son turned into an adult - "We are not leaving here without this - you have wanted this you deserve this. We aren't ordering anything, we are leaving here ready to kayak." Did I raise that kid right or did I raise him right? He even picked out the temporary racks for the car so I could transport it the very next morning to the lake. There it was ...I owned a kayak. I struggled with a bit of shame over spending that much on myself. But then I thought about a life of experiences, not a life of things. But it would be this very thing that would bring me much experience. Guilt sucks the wad - don't dabble in it too long, it's engineered to immobilize you. Go with your gut, save your money and enjoy your experience....
The Big Day that was a year and a half in the dreaming
I named her Xanadu
I read one time that if you teach a man something you have taught a man something, but if you teach a woman you have taught a family. This was yesterday...
Yup those are my boys, older now, strong and true,
we will be camping this Aug and tubing down the Delaware
Am I a lucky Mom or what?
We went to the state park and I was able to rent them kayaks and we all paddled on that liquid space together. We tied up our boats and explored a small island in the middle of the lake - adventurers we three... I even caught them taking pics and sending them to their friends. Then we hiked around the lake. It's so dense and massively green and the roots of the trees that rose high above our heads looked like long bony fingers, reaching toward the shore line. At times the roots were so intertwined it was as if the whole forest was holding hands and we were a part of it - we were so connected. We walked further and found a secret shady waterfall where we dipped our feet in. We talked and they told me some of their dreams which included mountain biking, hiking, and culinary school. I told them mine which included riding a horse (because I really haven't) and taking a helicopter ride (when I was young I wanted to go air-force in a big way), How and why I want to be a teacher realizing this is my giveback as a human showing students how to read the clues left behind in ink (because it's not too late) and maybe even learning to fly a small plane of my own one day. God makes dreams big so you can grow into them.
Needless to say it's been a few turbulent but overall good weeks. I promise to write more, thank you for your support if you read this - it still blows my mind. I am a lucky woman!
I wish for YOU a life of experiences! Get out there and do it!
Namaste
