Words cannot express how much this meant to me. Up until they called my name I was certain it was an error. My Linguistics prof from last semester spotted me in the seating and came over to shake my hand and congratulate me. He said it was an achievement. I believed him.
When I was younger I was just far too immature to understand any of this. The words the scholars would say when they addressed the room...I always felt they were supposed to say those things, paid to say those things, they never really believed any of those things did they? They do. And now so do I. I hung on every word. I let the words burn into me, rewriting the damaging words that had been there. I deserve this. I worked very hard for this. It is an achievement. I can do this. There's still a shadow of doubt in me, I suppose there always will be - it's part of who I am.
I was a bit emotional. I think I still am. I cried most of the way home. When I showed my son he got a bit emotional and said 'Mom, I'm so proud of you - I remember when you started going back to school, I remember the books you read...I remember you reading Beowulf. Not everyone gets that paper Mom, Not everyone can do that." Then I hugged him This is so real.
But honestly the one thing that really got me (of all things!) Was the bookmark. It brought me right back to a high school classroom, long ago, when I fell in love with Literature as I understand it now.
"High sparks of honour in thee have I seen."
Shakespeare (Richard 11.5 vi 29)
Keep Going
Namaste
