Well fall is in full swing here at the shire! There is so much going on and sometimes it's just too much, but we take it as we can. It seems once the light changes and the dim mornings hit, it's full speed ahead toward the chill. I, being Celtic, am completely fine with the chill - I love my morning walks and can tell you I am the last one to put a sweater on.
The boys are back in school and doing fine. William graduates in spring and his path is pretty set for the next couple of years (thank God). Michael has 3 years of highschool left. I worried most about him after the injury in January because sports, in the traditional sense, changed drastically for him. I must admit I breathed a sigh of relief when each son opted out of football. William wanted to work with his father and Michael didn't want to do iFB without his brother, and the bone dr told him healing takes at least a full year - I think that truly sunk in for him. He has been doing wonderful 'Michael things' though. He began running and was up to 6 miles a day, then had a small (safe but heart pounding) encounter with a bear. So that restricted his 'off time' runs (read: 1 AM when he can't sleep...gee...insomnia - sorry kid I think it might be genetic at this point) He's taken his longboarding to olympic like mastery and has recently decided he wants to be musical like his uncle and is now spending hours upon hours with a guitar. He is a very interesting person by nature and I am glad he's become a bit more 'within and present' who knew a horrifically broken arm could fix some things?
I am back in school FT and adjusting...trying to adjust...begging to adjust. I am taking 4 classes this fall and two are pretty heavy brain/work wise, and my general employment has been off the hook in terms of busy and sucking the life out of you. I dig my job but the level it's gotten to with multi-tasking-always smiling-non-stop-crazy is taking a bit of a toll. I need there to be something left to deal with school. Basically I am exhausted, however I am playing the mind game...I'll sleep tonight...ok friday...ok maybe next week...hell this only has 12 more weeks left, I'll sleep through winter! Case in point - I sat down to do homework the other day and emerged 7, yes 7, SEVEN hours later and just started crying - like a kid in a grocery store that throws themselves on the floor crying. It passed. But still...
I understood I was giving my all for every assignment - trying to do the very best work and a young classmate told me - 'just get it done and bang out the exams and final papers.' 'But I want to do my best' I told him. 'They don't want your best they just want you to vomit what they give you back to them.' The joys of learning according to a 22 year old.
But I do enjoy it, I truly do. But it is hard when you're Mom, Working like a crazy girl, when you run the house, clean the house (don't look in my closets), are trying to renovate the house to possibly rent it out in the spring, when you are still working with the mortgage company, when you are trying to navigate student loans-grants-tuition payments, when you making sure there is toilet paper (another blog), when you are dealing with your own health, praying for the kids, keeping the dog alive, and planning the next 5 years. But I asked for more and I'm guessing this is what it takes.
Tuesday night I was in my Linguistics and Grammar class (read like learning chinese) but it started to make sense and I got that little inkling "see silly you CAN do this!" And I thought ok you are here asking for more - more life - more future - more of a liveable wage when done - more brains - more insight - more knowledge - YOU ASKED FOR IT GIRL THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES. I could've been home watching the latest reality TV but I'm not where I need to be (according to me) in my life so I forgo those things to do this. incidentally I gave the correct answers in class, the prof is a random call on students type so every class is a firing squad....but I asked for it.
Thursday nights find me in a Magazine and Book publishing class which is outrageously fascinating! Insight is given to being a freelance writer (which I am tucking away) as well as the evolution of everything in print having one foot in digital. I dig the class, however it is deadline oriented (read coffee and stress) and meticulous. How I became a senior with an English major and writing concentration with questionable grammar really pisses me off. So relearning all of that sucks major and is a true blow to the ego...but I asked for it.
Those were the two classes that were required, the other 3 I need to graduate are offered in Spring (ok so I'll sleep in summer?) But I was still required to have a full course load to meet my credit requirements and I had two electives I could take (anything you want under the sun). I wasn't looking for easy, I wanted interesting. Get this: 1) Shamans, Witches, and Healers throughout history (!!!)
2) Folktales and Folklores (swoon!). They were both offered online, both taught by the same professor (an anthropologist who has done extensive field study around the globe TOTALLY INTERESTING!!!!) They have proven my salvation, however, the work load is extensive. I would gather to say - all in all class time and assignment time for the four classes is somewhere around 24-28 hours a week - I shit you not....but I asked for it.
And somewhere in all of this it's Fall - one of my favorite times of the year. Harvest. Chill. Hard Cider. I am determined to take those teenage boys apple picking, and fully enjoy Halloween! This house will get finished, crappy carpets will get ripped up, walls will get painted, and I will just keep on keeping on. I am grateful beyond words at the opportunity I have right now. In a down market making less $ than I ever have with more challenges than I ever imagined - I am happy. And that my friends is the ultimate currency. God is good. I want to leave you with this little saying that I committed to memory after William was born 17 years ago...
I bargained with Life for a penny
But Life would pay no more
But Oh! How I begged every evening
when I counted my scanty score.
For Life is a just employer,
she will give you what you ask.
But once you set the price, well then, you must bear the task.
I bargained with Life for a penny,
only to learn dismayed,
that any price I would have asked of Life
Life would have willingly paid.
Ask for more for your life...you are worth it
Namaste
