2013 I AM READY

Mountain Road in Repose

Haven’t been on here much and I have truly missed it!  So many things going on in my household it’s been tough to keep it straight!  I’m hopeful everyone has had a wonderful meaningful holiday.  And so here go I and my fellow humans barreling toward yet another year!

The apocalypse ‘date’ came and went.  I must say the hype up did give me pause.  It made me think about the what if’s.  What if life as we knew it ended?  Would we be satisfied with the laborious task of simply making fire and putting food on the table? What if the proverbial rat race came to a grinding halt?  I could not let the thought go by that there may have been a collecitive sigh of relief regarding the loss of the over engineered credit world and the over done ‘Keeping up with the Jones’.  The word apocalypse doesn’t mean the end – It’s literal meaning is The Great Reveal.  Would the veil we have all been living behind suddenly disappear?  Would becoming authentic no longer be a choice?  I went a bit deep on this one and after all the laughter and jokes and serious contemplation of ‘the end’, I was happy we were all still here.  My kids, my dog, my people – this gritty little town.  I’ve been happy with my life and I’ve been disappointed with things.  But I move toward 2013 a bit stronger in certain beliefs, and an ever evolving ability to lay aside beliefs that do not serve myself or humanity well.  I encourage everyone to do the same. 

I do believe troubled times may lie ahead.  But haven’t they always?  People have written it, sages spoke of it, songs have sung of it…I like to believe it has come from a place of love.  I love this world, I love my people, I love my earth, I love existing, I love RIGHT NOW….maybe the message is to tread lightly in many aspects and be kind to all things.  Realize how much you value your life and love.  Ha I may be delusional but it’s my perception and that’s 90% of a given day I’m told!

Quiet for now...Gathering Strength...Building for things to come...

So going into 2013 I’ve made a few resolves…My above meanderings have burned deeper into my soul to keep working hard, adjusting the sails to get to a place with dirt, with crops, with beasts that will be well cared for and in turn care for us.  Success isn’t a straight line and I’ve made peace to sidestep, back step, and side- My dance toward the life I want. 

One day on a makeshift wooden sign on a back road you will find the enterance for the Chasing Coleridge Farm.  It will be somewhat compact (like me) in its occupancy area.  A couple of buildings. Small. Easy to heat.  Guest structures. A water source.  A fire pit.  Gardens, messy but prolific.  You will hear my Rooster.  You will love my chickens.  I will finally be home.

This is Agamemnon - We talk...ALOT.  I visit him in the AM some days..this time of year he likes his water steamy...I tell him my Farm Dreams and his look says the same thing every time - 

'What are you waiting for? We need more people like you, Girl.'

2013 Has me leaving a second job to give more to myself and my family.  I will be the biggest cheerleader for the Dr.'s office on the outside.  A wonderful doctor who is, in my gut, a natural born healer.  People who have made me feel comfortable and part of the team.  And working in town has been amazing.  You become part of the community with conversations about whose roof needs fixin’ whose cows need milkin’ and who can fix anything with a Phillips head and a paper clip.  I will miss them. (at this writing I’ve been asked to stay on per diem – guest appearances?)  We shall see...

The hospital- now the 1^st job- condenses a full week into 3 12-14 hour days (sometimes they feel endless – and lets face it, I can’t say enough about the terror of life sucking fluorescent lighting). But this has come with a proper health benefits package for the boys and I (Medical, Dental, Vision) sick time, paid time off, the equivalent to 5 weeks paid vacation, tuition reimbursement, and because they are open 24/7 there is extra work should I need it and I know enough about my own strength by now that I will do whatever I have to for these kids.  Even times when I couldn't do for myself, I put their image at the helm and find the strength to turn the wheel.

Very strange after being a somewhat kept woman in a wealthy marriage to now having to ‘ball up’ and make decisions based not on what I would like, or what would ‘feel’ good, but however what will provide the most for the entire family.  Whew!   I never had the confidence to do all of this, and I still question it from time to time…and yet here I am day in and day out doing just that.  I have two favorite quotes, please don’t ask me where they came from

“Circumstance does not make a man, it reveals him to himself”

&

“The outcomes of Life are not in being dealt a poor hand.  They are, however, in the ability and gumption to play a poor hand well”

Last month had me signing up for school, going for a loan modification to reduce living expenses, reworking budgets, meeting with someone that’s ½ life coach-therapist   ½ angel put in my path.  I’m dealing with my ghosts of past, ghosts of present, and learning coping skills for the ghosts yet to come.  May they always keep me learning and may they always keep me sharp and hungry for life.  For the old saying is so true – when you teach a woman something, you’ve taught the whole family.  I try to pass these navigational skills onto my boys on a daily basis.  I try to encourage them to walk with integrity, and put by what doesn’t serve their souls well.  Hopefully they will learn.  These kids will never know the love I have for them, …until of course they have their own.  Not a pat on the back for me, just a glance of understanding will do one day boys...

When I look back over the last few years at the times when I struggled the most, was scared shitless,  prayed the most, and took a jump of faith – these were the times that made right now.  And I’m happy to say I am ok, a lot wiser, still scared shitless at times, still praying for clarity – but I’m making it.  Sometimes barely, but sometimes that’s all you can ask.   I’ve got a good family, fantastic friends, The blessing of insight and breath in my lungs.  In my heart that puts me ahead of my own game I play in my mind.

But I’ve still got ‘dreams’ which are now being renamed ‘goals’ and that little crazy redhead inside me...the kid me... the real me...the one that sat at the knee of the brogue bearers listening to their tales...their strength that pumps in my veins maybe it's the same blood and inherited force of will that caused them to get on that ship and come here to America with barely anything but the hope of a better life.  That crazy little me... she whispers to me, she begs me, she yells at me....  'Yes you can do this – you are doing this – I don't care how tired you are how weak you feel - keep going, the view will be worth it, I promise... Just keep going!  Just keep going!  Just keep going!

Welcome 2013... Well damn… It just sounds lucky doesn't it?

Good Energy to you in making your dreams goals!

A 5 year plan...

The Town of Argyle

Comprising about 35,000 acres of land, lies close to the center of Washington county between the Adirondacks and the Green Mountains of Vermont.  The patent of Argyle was granted march 13^th, 1764.  Some of the first settlers arrived in 1738 from Argyllshire, Scotland. The name of Argyle was given because the settlers were all from the shire of Argyle in Scotland. Up to the time of the revolution, population growth was very slow. In 1771 there were only 90 voters in the entire patent. By 1790 the total population had grown to 2341 and there were 299 homes. Argyle at this time had the largest population of any town in the county by 100 people. Argyle like the rest of America is a “melting pot of races”  since its beginning and not pure Scottish community like it is often pictured. Today the population hovers around 3688 according to the US census figures.

Just a dream

Last night I had a dream…more of a concept really.

It was roughly 3AM I woke up, grabbed my notebook, sat in the steamy tub and wrote this

I saw my hands gripping the wet mossy soaked black rocks.  I saw the mist of my breath, my life force heaving in front of me like apparitions come to visit.  I raced, I lunged, my large thigh muscles aching with the exertion.

The dirt of the earth pushed under my nails as they chipped and ripped, clawing the rocks.  My hair fell forward in my face, obscuring my view.  I dare not look up…I just kept climbing…grabbing toward the mist.  I had to reach its cover; live wet air.  It would conceal me.  My lungs puffed and ached, my body completely relying on itself, my heart pounding with fear at this chase.

The ground dipped and my left foot slipped into a small crevice, I hoisted the leg up and dead air met it.  I reached my hand down and felt a space.

I could still hear them, their metal, their swords, and their fervor.  My moment had come – I rolled my body left and fell about four feet into a pocket of hope.  I curled my arms around my knees still heaving and tried to control my breath.  My body felt gutted by the intake of air as though it would split.  Forcing my breath to slow itself, I closed my eyes.  Slowly I became steady.

I threw my head back and felt my long curls on the sweat of my shoulders, I had to stifle a deep throaty laugh.  The mist had taken me in its fold, the mountain in its soul; both had saved me from my slaughter.

As my eyes became accustomed to the light, I realized this pocket of earth was 10 feet deep with a rise at its innermost part.  Upon this rise was a rough woolen cloak of sorts, folded and dusty with fine dirt.  Of course!  A Sheppards night keep upon a mossy rise!

I would make a guest of myself.  I shook off the cloak and wrapped myself in it and lay down on a bedding of dried stiff mountain grass.  Safe in this hidden womb, I slept.  I gave myself over to the earths’ protection, every muscle released and I became dead-like in my stillness.   As I slowly tumbled into the arms of rest, I heard far off shouts and the muffle of voices; moving closer then away.  I heard the hollow scream of someone falling; then nothing.

When I awoke, a thin strand of light dustily filtered in.  I realized suddenly that I was famished.  The faint sound of moving water had my parched mouth mad with desire.  I cautiously edged up to the small opening of my shelter.  The sun felt warm and the rocks surrounding the opening were faded with dry.  I judged it to be midday.  I allowed my eyes to grow accustomed to the harsh light.  Standing on tip toes, I poked my head out.

The air outside was crisp and refreshing.  The snows had melted a while back and it was that chill before the in-between of Rough-Spring and Early High-Ground Summer.  My hands went first and then I eased my body out and sat on the cool earth.  I sat for a few moments and surveyed steep climbing’s of stone rubble to both sides.  In my haste I had scurried up a mist blind flat and seemingly forbidden side of the mountain.  I turned and lifted my gaze to see what a higher climb would have brought.

I blinked back tears and counted my blessings tenfold.  A few more steps would have ended at a sheer wall of stone.  It was easy to envision losing my grasp and tumbling to my end.  I began to wipe my eyes with determination.  There was a reason my foot had slipped.  A reason this side of the mountain revealed its secret to me.  A reason I was kept safe.  A reason the wool cloak sat folded…dusty…waiting.  It was certainly not to cry, not to give in.  I had been spared.

To my left there was a trickle of snow melt; crisp and clear water that slumbered over winter, now rushing to spring.  I cupped my hands and drank.  I lowered them and drank only with my mouth.  Standing on the side in the sun, I peeled off my clothing and allowed the water to rinse the dirt and grime of my escape from my skin.  I let out a gasp as I dunked my head and washed my hair.  Dirt, tears, fear and sweat were carried away down the mountain.  When I finished I stood naked and gave my clothes a good rinse.

The sun was higher now.  I found a flat dark rock and laid my clothing out to dry.  I loosely wrapped the wool cloak around me, slipped on my leather footings and decided to explore a bit…

 

RT 23

When I was a little girl my father and I were driving down the road.  I freakish summer storm came upon us and the sky was shattered with wild bolts of lightening.  It was dinner time.  He slowed the car and said "Wow Chris look at that"  Up on a hill to our left where scarce trees stood a haunted house sat.  It looked fake...like a movie set.  There was a woman who had just run in the front door, she had a yellow housecoat on, I saw the back of her as the door slammed to the wind.  To the left hung laundry whipping wildly on a line.  She had been caught in the rain.  My mouth dropped open and the image has never left me.

Years went by as the house fell into disrepair, appeared abandoned for a while and eventually, I believe, there was a fire and the house was destroyed and ripped from the hill as if it never existed.

Today a gas station/mini mart sits in that area.  But Ahhh the power of the net.  I found a picture of it...I posted the pic on my FB page and it garnered a visceral response...I wasn't the only one that missed it's presence.  I'd take that house over a mini mart any day.

The Haunted House

A bit further down the road A huge farm met a similar fate.  When my parents moved up here from the city there was only one grocery store we would go to.  Food Town!  My significant other's father allegedly won a bicycle for offering up the name when it opened.  My friend Cheryl and I reminisce about the place often.  You could  buy milk and only one type of lettuce (iceberg)!  Whole Foods but was a dream.  It serviced this area for many a year.  I recall the kiddie rides and a food court/snack bar - I suppose now food shopping was an all day affair back then.  You could take any size box from their 'recycle' bin of boxes at the front of the store.  And being a deli or produce clerk provided a liveable wage for these parts!  

It all must've been a farm, both sides of the road.  My boyfriend remembers cows crossing (Route 23!)  Across from Food Town a huge barn stood.  Not that long ago a large billboard went up offering it's prime real estate.  I hoped against hope that someone would purchase it and return it to it's former glory...no dice.

Trucks pulled up and began dismantling it.  I shot these pics on an overcast moody day.  I may be wrong but it seems to me that it is being systematically dismantled in an organized fashion with much care.  Hopefully this piece of history will be spread out among other structures being erected and that the purchasers will appreciate the origins of their creation.

My father would have a fit if he knew I had been climbing through it's remains.  I needed to touch the stone foundation and be amazed that dry hay still remained in it's bowels.  The craftsmanship of those that came before is humbling...

Hay still there!  Stone construction has stood the test of time

Hand Hewn

Good Bones

Thank goodness I shot the pics when I did ...It's now gone

Across the street on the edge of a swampiness, there is a small springhouse.  It has that feeling of a french countryside painting.  It is quietly being reclaimed by the earth...slowly I watch it edge into damp darkness.  I miss the old days sometimes.

Good Energy to you and your wisps of days gone by!

Ladies in waiting!!!

We have narrowed the Dirty Birdies down

Dutch Bantam Hens have stolen our hearts!!! 

Hurry up spring we can hardly wait!!!!

The last poultry show - so much to look at!  I highly recommend attending something like this, we were able to narrow it down to smaller Bantam Hens.  Some of those birds were so big they looked like they could rip your face off (not the birds for me)  Luckily, as I am learning, most livestock comes in smaller 'Crisy Hobbit' sizes :)

Love.

Good Energy to your feathery dreams!

Pray it forward

Recently a friend was going through some stuff – I told her I would pray for her.  She asked ‘When did YOU become so religious?’….

I do not consider myself religious -  I DO consider myself deeply spiritual

I thought about her question and I remembered a certain Sunday I had a few years ago…

I had gone on a Girls Weekend trip with fellow Jersey girls.  A long weekend at the sea.  I was the annoying one.  The one up at 5AM walking through the morning mist, not wanting to miss the potential of the day.  I’ve never been much of a ‘sleeper inner’.  So I would walk all over the flat neighborhoods and end up barefoot in the foamy surf.  A random dog or person jogging was all that I would see sharing my sand.  Other than that…the ocean was mine!

I’ve often described the ocean as the earth breathing.  I can feel the vibration through my entire being.  The salt        clears the mind and the lungs.  Ionically the water tumbling back and forth and the rhythmic nature of the tides will induce an innate meditative quality within me.  I just feel better, more primitive, more content, closer to myself, a divine connectedness.

Water has always been a priority in my life.  Always.  I believe in its ability to restore the soul.  The mystery and depths of the seas mirror timeless questions of existence.  My children have long given up on my awareness of any proximity to water.  Long ago they ceased to be amazed at my ability to ‘call’ a water source being close by.  I could almost feel it – I still can.  We will be driving and I’ll wave my hand and say ‘there’s water over there’.  It’s met with many an eye-roll now.  It’s always been like that for me.  A loved one of mine wanted to move to a desert dry like area.  I shuddered.  Lakes, streams, seas, make up the foundation of my safety requirements for life, a core requirement. 

So here we were, on the last day of our trip…Sunday.

We found an elevated restaurant on the boardwalk  to have brunch in.  We sat by the window.  I had a birdseye view of the footed path below.  I gazed out the window as my friends chattered.   I was with them but detached in a way.  I began looking at the people and an excerpt from Coleridges’ Rime of the Ancient Mariner – played through my mind

O happy living things; no tongue

Their beauty might declare

A spring of love gushed from my heart

And I blessed them unaware

Sure my kind saint took pity on me

And I blessed them unaware

As people went about their walk, I began to direct a quick good energy intention toward them.  A mini prayer of sorts.  The man looking downcast; I prayed for his heart to be light.  The woman looking worried holding the hand of a child;  I prayed for her clarity in decisions and faith in herself.  The lonely person; I sent an intention of love and comfort…and on and on it went for a while.  As I did this a smile crept across my face.  My heart became both happy and settled and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.  I prayed for them unaware.  Imagine what this world could be if we all did that.  Someone could be doing it this very moment for you and you may not even know it!

What if you returned the favor?  Prayed it forward?  Make it a goal to pick 3 random people you see throughout your day that you don’t directly know.  Direct a good intention and well wishes toward them.  Who couldn’t use that?!  You won’t be sorry – Good Energy put out there will build! 

My favorite poem continues:

The self same moment that I could pray

And from my neck so free

The albatross fell off and sank

Like lead into the sea

I believe that prayer and good intentions will set the soul free.

Try it.

Good energy to you unaware.  And if you happen to have read this – a prayer to you as well!

The Right Wrong Turn...

Farmstalker is the term I use to describe my love affair with farms that aren't necessarily mine!  On any given day, if the weather strikes me just so and things have 'that vibe', I will veer off the beaten path to the Road not normally taken...

A few weeks ago, before the first dusting of snow, there was a huge annual fundraiser.  The wife of the Dr. I work for purchased tickets to this fundraiser for everyone in the office.  A local private school does a HUGE BBQ chicken dinner every year.  She had texted me 'how many tickets would you like for your family?  We reserved 4 for you!'

My reply at the time was 'Oh that's ok, I won't really have the time to go'  She then informed me no one really stays there many people just go and pick up the dinners like take out..

After looking at my work schedule that week (56+ hours EEEK!)  I decided a good take out meal would be wonderful.  I graciously accepted the offer.  I worked that day and left for the local fairgrounds directly after to pick up 4 dinners to go.

DID I MENTION HUGE  FUNDRAISER?

I pulled up, parked and followed the sign to the conservatory where dinner waited. There were women bagging food with military precision!  Into my paper shopping bag went 4 of these meals;  An ENTIRE HALF of a bbq chicken, a warm baked potato in foil, farm fresh green beans, a biscuit and your choice of apple cobbler or cake for desert!

Laden with food booty and trying to figure out how to get it in the house past 2 perpetually hungry teenage boys, I returned to my car for the short ride home...

The fairgrounds take on a certain fallow appearance when not in summer use.  The horse arenas had something going on - a stronghold of horse trailers were tightly parked like covered wagons.  A group to its own.  Aside from the greenhouse where the bbq took place the rest of the grounds were in a sort of drab repose that only a fall coming on strong can bring.  It was a blustery day with leaves a flying.  The air smelled damp and there was a chill - the sky was a watered down gray - live here long enough and you know it means a storm is not far off.  I headed home with the cozy scent of a traditional meal filling my car.

You see, working so much, I rarely get the time to meander,....to be.  There is so much beauty these parts give unconditionally if you only open your eyes.  I've been told I see things people miss.  For that I am grateful.  Many times in my life I had felt as though I missed things...and somewhere on my journey I made a conscious pact with myself to try to be 'in the moment' when such a moment presented itself...

The back exit of the grounds treats you to a silo, hand built of stone.  You empty onto the back road and pass gracious farm land.  If you listen you can hear the toil of labor and wind, when the static of TV and the like did not exist.  You hear the fields, you smell the earth, and you see what you might have missed had you not taken that wrong yet cosmically right turn...

I loved the 'patchiness' of this country road...it reminds me of the 

spots you would find on a cow...cosmically this road leads to a lovely farm setting

Have you ever had a day where you stop and beg God to let you remember a moment?

May we be like the waters...that just are...without question

The sky turned moody as I turned toward home

And what remained refused to be forgotten...

I stopped my car, and stood in the road to get one last lingering look...

As I focused my camera this truck jumped into frame...Perfect

And it was just a wrong turn...on my way home...

imagine that!

Good Energy to you...wherever the road may take you!

Food For Thought...

Keeping Warm...

Where I live there is truly nothing more exhilarating or more beautiful than a drive on a fall day!

Pickup trucks laden with year aged wood and coal meander throughout the farm lands kicking up fallen leaves that shimmer in the sun like dry confetti.

Wood piles and Coal piles abound screaming self-sufficiency, and everyone really begins gearing up for the ‘Great White Days’ that surely lay ahead of us.  A friend of mine has a cast iron stove that burns both wood and coal.  He’s only burned wood for the last few years but in his workshop under his house dry and out of the weather lays his version of ‘Black Gold’.  His Coal Keep waits.  He claims that with the price of oil and the uncertainty of the utilities grid, this cache is like Money in the Bank…He is right.

There is something truly timeless about the sound of the metal coal shovel.  Like the strike of a match it is a sound rhythmic, sensible, and necessary.  A ringing announcement of seasonal change.  It is a scientifically proven fact that humans respond to the changes in temperature and light that each season brings – but I believe we also respond to the preparation and habits of each season.  Bedding down living quarters and preparing for the long haul indoors.  Down comforters come out, firewood comes in.  Stew pots and roasting pans get a rinse.  Sweaters stand at the ready.  We become…cozy.

My father had a work buddy who grew up in a very depressed area of Pennsylvania.  There was a train that would labor through their town carrying tons and tons of coal from the minds across the land toward the cities.  As the trains would rumble by, the cars would shimmy from their loads and shiny rocks of coal would fall along the tracks haphazardly.  Folks would send their children to wait with black buckets in hand.  As the trains passed they would scramble and scavenge the coal for small stoves back home.

Coal burns efficiently and a properly banked coal fire will carry the house through the night until the dawn.  A sound sleep not broken by the vigil that a wood fire would require. 

For my people, coal is in the blood.  My grandfather, James Loggie, was sent down into the coal mines of Scotland (the Old Country) when he was a boy at the tender age of 12.  Crawling through the earth.  Hard and scary labor.  When my own boys each turned 12, I told them the story of his hardship and silently sent up a prayer of thanks that they had been spared that life.  While working one day, my grandfather (a boy) experienced a serious collapse in one of the mines.  Twelve year old James had to scrape and crawl through a black tunnel the size of a small television screen to undusted air and freedom.  

Family history has it that it was that day, that moment, and the chain of events that followed that massive cave-in that fanned the flame of James’ desire to get out of the mines for good.  A few years later he was off to America.  He went on to father eight children, 2 babies born in the Old Country – one still buried there- and 6 in the New Country.  Many grandchildren and great grandchildren and now great great grandchildren are with us.  None of them are miners.

When I was a young child my father paid an out of work mason to give us a beehive fireplace with a wall hearth.  The price seemed low but the man was grateful for the work that would carry him through the winter.  He used recycled bricks left over from a job he had torn down.  What he created was a lovely cottage type hearth with bricks of red white and black.  My brother and I would help make paper logs as starters.  My grandparents would come to visit.  James was then an old man, no longer the boy of 12 but he would inevitably tell the story of the coal mines as we sat around the warmth-one of my favorite childhood memories.  A roaring blaze would ensue, filling the air with its dry woody scent and musical random crackles and pops.  Most of the burning logs came from trees that were cut down in our own yard.  Two huge oaks that were on the decline were felled in our yard and my brother and I spent many an afternoon climbing through the tree tops that lay on the ground.  Lofty branches...we explored what only the sky had seen for @ least 50 years.  We felt majestic.

Recently there was a skill set I discovered in a small old incidental book.  ‘Keeping a Wood Lot’.  Apparently, back in the day, before cheaper fuel (ha-ha) was discovered and suburbia became an epidemic, The Wood Lot was an exact science.  Wooded lots would be kept (many times attached) to the property a home was on.  They could range in size from a couple of acres to ten.  These lots would hold a variety of trees, wild brush, and saplings.  The owners would harvest trees based on age, size, and condition.  When harvested systematically in this nature, a wooded lot would perpetually provide a family with fuel wood.  These gardens of fuel were highly valued and many times were bequeathed upon the owners’ death. 

A secondary benefit to this land would be the safe refuge it provided for small game hunting.  Animals could reside and breed there then be trapped or hunted as needed.  A live pantry of meat and fur among the means for heat and wood.  Not to mention the wild edibles that could also be foraged.  A perfect enclosed system of renewable sustainability…right in your own backyard!!

Makes perfect sense to many.  In a world of economic uncertainty there seems to be a growing awareness of working hard for oneself and one’s family.  Should the chain of supply falter, you will not freeze with a source of alternative heat.  You will not starve if you understand and recognize the ability you hold to provide some or all of your own food.  

There is a definite vibe, a shift in perception. In a time of financial horror stories, evaporating stock options, corporate downsizing, greed, and political blame gaming, more Americans are becoming…well…stronger Americans.  Somehow they are dusting off that intangible strong will that has gotten us this far.  We may be down, but we are not out!  Americans everywhere are bootstrapping it with that can-do-will-do-must-do attitude that made us great.  They are believing more in themselves and their own abilities.  They are taking the steps to become more self and local community sufficient.  They are moving toward a life of relying less on the ‘system’ and more on themselves.  And who could blame them? 

 Hang your flag and get back to basics!  We can do this people…We are doing it!

Good Energy to you and you can-do-it-ness!!! Shine on my friends

Water Witches and Dowsing

When I bought my current home it was to no one’s surprise that a large body of water lay close at hand.  I live next to a quarry.  My quarry has many mysteries as most of the water in this area is blessed with.  There are old mine shafts that span literally hundreds of miles between local small towns like Hamburg and Franklin.  This has spawned many excellent interesting conversations among my friend.  He is part Native American and I Celtic…ironically our core belief systems and reactions to the natural realm are very similar.  It is a raw elemental pull.

Upon discussion and meditation we have imagined the aquatic mine shafts teeming with life, darkened dreamy swaying grasses along untrodden paths submerged long ago.  Paths humans blasted through, dug through, sweated through; now preserved and evolving.  Water seeks its lowest point and settles and resides and gathers.

My first exposure to dowsing occurred somewhat incidentally.  I am blessed with many clusters of eclectic friends, whose numbers continue to grow and, like these paths, evolve.

It was a celebration of sorts in my new home where I invited friends dubbed ‘The Vagina Mafia’ to my digs.  The goal was to mirror my new place with the collective energy of our souls.  A cosmic friend; Carol of Beach Haven, brought another friend I like to call Lady Jane.  I did not know Lady Jane well, only in passing and various get togethers, but she is amethyst like me.  And I’ve learned you do not have to necessarily know someone to KNOW someone.  Months and moons pass and this group of friends can find itself regrouped in a matter of minutes and that time away evaporates like the morning mist over the swamp due East of my home.

Conversation soon turned mystic in nature (Thanks to combination of estrogen, wine, and chocolate!)  It quieted down and there was a question posed ‘Any issues here Christine?’  To a normal group this could’ve been interpreted in any number of mind numbing ways; issues with work? Issues with $? Issues with kids??  But we cut to the chase.  And I quietly replied ‘The Kitchen’

In my last home I catered.  Cosmically.  Feeding Folks REAL food.  Simmered for hours.  True Vegetables. Stews. Breads.  My small business’ byline was ‘A Feast for the Soul’.  You would always find me in the kitchen.  

In my new home the kitchen was small.  Galley.  Which is fine because I am small and the kitchen is my jungle – I climb, I dance, I spin magic in sauce… a sorceress with a wooden spoon. 

 I love to cook and I believe the energy you pour into things with your ingredients reaches the recipient and makes all the difference in nourishing the whole person.  Crazy?  Try it.

So I looked at my group and said ‘Everything here is perfect, the water, the children, the energy…but I can’t spend more than 15 minutes in the kitchen…it’s like I’m blocked and can’t melt into myself there.’

Lady Jane said ‘Would you like me to go through your home? Check the energy?’  From these girls this is as completely normal as asking if you would like a teaspoon of sugar.  ‘Yes’

The conversation chatted up again, and in the background Jane had her way with my home with her dowsing rods.  She quietly walked through the rooms upstairs, through the basement/family room downstairs, then the main level and finally settled in the kitchen.  She spent some time there.  When she returned she said ‘There was a block deep in the ground under the kitchen, water flows there and I asked it to redirect its energy.  Let me know how it goes’ and dropped it.

The night ended and the last wine glass was washed.  I turned to look at my kitchen before I shut off the light.  It looked no different.  It felt no different.

I snuggled into my blankets thankful for my friends and their support.  These are the types that see you through serious illness, bail you out of jail at 3AM, help you grow after a divorce and come and pull you out of bed and get you in the shower the day after your husband drops dead.  These are those girls.  

The next morning I grabbed a magazine and brewed tea.  I saw a recipe for lemon scones.  I scanned the ingredients.  I had everything so I made them.  I thought bread with dinner would be a good idea so I started some yeast in a huge glass bowl my mother had given me.  Lasagna sounded wonderful so I browned chopped meat in oil and garlic and started on marinara sauce.  HOURS went by.  I was so caught up in cooking that when I had finally let the bread rise twice and placed it in a stone in the oven my eyes widened and my breath caught.  Aware, very, very aware.  Then energy danced all around me.  My kitchen had been christened with my soul.  I became more ME again.

Coincidence?  Maybe.  But a friend sent me a message this morning.  She is soulfully devastated as we all are when what we wanted to be real…what we believed was real…comes tumbling down like a cheap movie set.  We are left with ourselves.  MM is strong, she will be fine, she just can’t see that yet.  She rented a house…on a lake.  The soul knows what it needs…always.  She feels a spirit there.  It needs sea salt, Sage, Women and wine.  And probably a good dowsing.

 Dowsing has been around since people had the consciousness of the need for water in their souls.  You can see figures on caves in Africa, China, and Egypt with human figures holding rod like sticks, searching for water.  Dowsers, often called ‘Water Witches’ (think Carol & Lady Jane and yourself) tap into a subtle energies of the earth and themselves to locate things, amplify things, or alternate the energy of things through a series of questions and guidance.

Science has often reported this practice as ‘No better than chance’…Interestingly though our own government has employed this practice on more than one account to locate ground water, graves, missing soldiers, and tunnels…hmmmm.  Why report differently?  Is it yet another ploy to disconnect us from that natural realm?

There is a man in the Upstate New York area that MAKES HIS LIVING locating water for old farms being resurrected and new springs for livestock.  He is very successful and the go-to-guy if you need to know where things sit under the unseen.  I bet he and his clients would beg to differ on the ‘No better than chance’ label.  I’ve been invited to attend dowsing ‘seminars’ (think woods, Hazel sticks, and likeminded folk in awe of the forest) and I may take them up on that offer one day.  

So when I received a message from this cosmic yet saddened friend – my reaction was to put out a call to the Water Witches.  They are standing by should she need.  We are water and water heals.

 I leave you with this simple brilliance

Albert Einstein, however, was convinced of the authenticity of dowsing. He said, "I know very well that many scientists consider dowsing as they do astrology, as a type of ancient superstition. According to my conviction this is, however, unjustified. The dowsing rod is a simple instrument which shows the reaction of the human nervous system to certain factors which are unknown to us at this time."

Good Energy to you and your group of eclectic friends – keep that list growing and flowing

Crisynomics

Anyone that knows me knows I am CONSTANTLY at my journal...Hopes (please God another 10 lbs)...Dreams (Chickens, goats, and gardens OH MY!) Quotes (Winston Churchill 'when you are going through hell...keep going...)

Ive been in and out of journals since highschool - Get it out of the head.  Organize thoughts. Plan your life etc...It's been therapy, a friend that will listen and not talk back, a creative outlet, and all out bitch session @ 2AM, an ink clarification, a happiness, a hope, a smile. 

Rarely do I look back, often I just keep going lapping up the paper.  My mother used to say when she would come over 'There's something to write with and write on in every room in this house...even the bathrooms!"  My love affair with words can be directly attributed to the many wonderful teachers I've known - both in and out of the classroom.  There is always something to learn, something to strive for, something to laugh about.  I wrote the following when I was in a strange spot - a grown-up trying to figure things out that I had never learned.  I just opened my brain grabbed a pen and let it go...

Dear Journal - Today I am bummed out...feeling weary at how far I have to go to believe I am financially ok, so I've decided to write this 'list' of things I have learned and things I am grateful for to get me out of this mood.  Forgive me if it rambles...in the end this race is only with myself...

This last month has been an amazing journey for me.  I must always remind myself to stop looking at where I 'think' I should be and instead look at how far I have come over the last 4 years.  

Subconsciously my thought patterns are looking at this over and over and even when I am in a lucid sleep my thoughts play (when I do sleep that is).  I can only hope that this replaying is like the last paragraph of a really good chapter that you re-read a few times because it gives validity to all you’ve read before and perhaps missed.  The story.  My story.

I went from not having a damn quarter on food shopping days for those frigen hi-jacked force-you-to pay carts at Shoprite.  I had to grab the free carnie cart with the huge baby seat that I could’ve fit my grandfather in.  I’m short so those shopping days would consist of me usually hitting someone, or a display, and hopping randomly to see where I was headed.  Today I have quarters!  I have quarters for coffee, quarters for parking meters, quarters for school lunches.  I will never forget the day I plopped my real estate ‘throwback to my rich days’ Coach purse in that cumbersome baby seat…right in a small pile of baby diarrhea left by another happy customer.  If that wasn’t a metaphor for my situation I don’t know what was.  It’s simple but when you’ve been without and you open your change ($)drawer in your car and it is now filled with 'change' on every level it boosts confidence on the micro level.  Try it.

‘It is difficult to fully enjoy today when you are paying off yesterday’ – Ben Franklin on Debt in the Poor Richards Almanac (Keep it Simple)

I went from late night panic attacks because my Credit cards (Chase being the worst) were at 30% interest and the payments with a missed payment fee would show up $1800 FOR THE MONTH.  I couldn’t even begin to explain the white knuckle gastro nightmare when that little beauty showed up like clockwork.  After tearfully calling the company ‘please help me please help’ – to no avail, something strange happened…I decided the mortgage was more important and didn’t pay that Chase bill for 3 months.  When they would call (and boy did they) I would kindly tell them to choke on it and call me when they were ready to work with me.  Would I ever recommend that to anyone? NO WAY. But for me a psychotic calm showed up.  Finally after three months I suppose someone there looked over the blatant ridiculousness of this bill and realized a normal human would never be able to make a monthly payment of $7000 so they called…and I told them to choke and gag on their own effluence…  They called back.  We were both ready to talk.  I wanted to do the right thing.  They realized a little $ at a time was better than none at all.  So we went from $1800 a month to $7000 a month to a very tight but doable $501 a month.  I’ve made it every month since – sometimes by the skin of my ass.  Every month and now I’m looking at the light which is the end of the tunnel – This account is closed but this debt will be paid.  Never again Never Never Again.  Bankruptcy wasn’t for me at the time.  It was Put Up or Shut Up and somewhere deep down I knew it was time to learn that lesson – pay the piper.  It is 4 years later and I have lived and continued to live on a cash based diet – Yes it can be done – talk to me.

-I paid off other odds and ends  Macy’s (hi! my kids didn’t fit into those clothes 2 months later but boy that bill showed up for a long time)

-Other Master Card (Master because you are the slave!) Vacations went on these – the worst souvenir ever!)

-Medical Bills – These deserved to be paid and I sent a note with every single one.  EXCEPT the emergency vet visit.  They would only take full payment not the 2/3’s I had the night of the emergency – they went to the very bottom of the list Entitled “Choke on it – now you’ve pissed me off and you will wait til I get to it”

In a perfect world my hair is done and I’m writing checks with manicured nails from an account overflowing with money and a teacup Chihuahua rests in my overpriced leather bag…

In reality I think I washed my hair, I’m out of checks – I have no idea what a stamp even costs – I’m praying there’s an 800 # so I can do a direct payment over the phone (and gladly pay the $15 service fee for that)  Forget the manicure I’m hoping that’s not a wart on the sole of my foot and I have a ½ Chihuahua ½ Jack Russell that is rolling in the kitchen garbage like some frigen oversized Brooklyn RAT after which she will find someones underwear to rip into.

Today I have a poster board I keep hidden from the world and cross off and check balances on everything when I come up for air (once every 2 months).  I am happy to say there are more things crossed off than there are left to pay.  I look it over to stay aware then return to the salt mines and just keep shoveling.

I must’ve read every single financial book I could get my hands on…Suze Orman, Dave Ramsey, The Automatic Millionaire, The Richest Man in Babylon, Til Debt Do us Part and the list goes on and on.  From each one I’ve learned something staggering to my brain.  Something I didn’t learn in school, missed out on in childhood because I had a vagina, didn’t think about because I married young to a control freak.  I can recite Frost verbatim Coleridge for Breakfast and help you decipher Elizabethan English…Money was never my thing.  It was the only language my ex spoke but I am happily divorced and know I can learn this – I’m learning it every day.

I’ve made a conscious decision to live with less

 and it turned out to be so much more. 

Now I begin saving for trips and activities months in advance and have a limit to what can be spent.  You can live without the almighty plastic.  Some months the timing just sucks.  And when I say ‘it would be so easy if I only had a credit card as an emergency’ I know it is precisely the opposite. 

 I’ve taught my children that they deserve everything in life but everything cannot always be afforded – and that has not a damn thing to do with self-worth.  Security in knowing you can pay your bills and sleep at night is the most secure feeling ever.  Security in knowing you are building savings every week no matter how small makes you feel in control and smart ;)  Security is knowing that you don’t have to be afraid of tomorrow because you walked this walk and deep down you know God gave you the brains to figure it out and make it all work.  Sometimes you don’t like the answers your find.  Sometimes you cry in the rain then fall in the mud – that’s called redemption in my book.  And sometimes you just fall right on your ass – don’t worry it’s padded.

I’ve learned my grandparents were right…pretty much about everything.  I’ve learned to listen when people that have been around longer than I have give me advice, especially when it comes to the government or finances. Eerily they are usually right in the end... I will be old one day too – and I’m gonna talk til my tongue falls out…And when I can't talk I will write...about anything....about everything....but mostly Hope.     

People need to know there is hope ALWAYS HOPE.

In a Nutshell: 

*I learned to snowball my debt - accelerating payoffs

*I've learned that when you've dug yourself into a hole of any sorts and you want to get out step one is stop digging.

*I've learned that if you need $100,000. you can't get there til you save $10 first

*I've learned to automate my savings every week and a nominal amount goes into automatic savings every Monday and dad was right it adds up.  This totally took an edge off...I now have a little cushion, funny thing is I don't ever want to touch it...not even for an emergency (Christmas used to be an emergency for me!)

*I've learned to say no to the kids a little bit more, realizing financial security is a roof over their heads and taking care of their needs...not xbox...not eating out

*I've learned to look for bargains, I'm no extreme couponer (I prefer a much more elaborate mental illness thank you)  but I do arrange my weekly meals around what's on sale.

*I've learned good shoes are worth the money - they usually last and in turn so does your back.

*I've learned I can cook a better dinner than anything I've ever been served in a restaurant and a cold beer really is better after you've mowed a lawn.

*A firepit is a cheap meditation class

*I've learned to be creative in planning activities with the boys - I rented a cabin for 3 days for $90 because I wouldn't do Disney on credit for $5000.  And the boys learned so much more.

*I've learned to go to Tractor Supply in spring when they get their shipment of baby chickens, ducks, and hens, You've never seen teenage boys so tender... it'll break your heart in a very good way

*I've learned a packed PB&J will sustain you when you can't order out at work

*I've learned to wash my own car every week and I silently thank the Toyota Gods for making a gas efficient reliable vehicle.  (I used to drive a Mercedes then a Jeep - I could've flown around in a frigen helicopter for what they cost in gas and repairs)

*I've learned that nothing beats a glass of wine and Zen music after scrubbing floors.

*I've learned to follow up the cleaning with a steamy Epsom bath and an Amazon purchased book for $2

*I've learned what vinegar cleans...everything

*I've learned that it's the time we spend, not the money, that family will remember

*I've learned that sometimes there is great freedom in parameters

*I've learned that If I can do this...Single mother...stressed but happy...tired but hopeful...willing to go at it

SO CAN YOU!

But above all:

I've learned to appreciate the little things in life

because I've been alive long enough to know

That the little things in life

Are really

The big things :)

Good Energy to you and a journal you may keep!