I've been trying to keep up with emails! Hello Ukraine! Definitely a first and so honored my blog has made it to you!! Thank you for reading! We are truly all the same and one!
Just and update...
It is exams week and I want to beat my head against a wall. I am so completely grateful to be in school but 4 classes was a big bite for me. I'm keeping up ok and it is so amazing! There is only one class that I am truly concerned about and I have been studying on and off for the past week for the exam tomorrow night. Couple that with a 12 hour day of work today and all the other stuff in MOM INC, Crisy Inc, Walking Dead watcher and well thank God for insomnia is all I can say!
I've always been contradictory in nature and as the days dim early I find something in me has woken up - odd, I know. I require less sleep (4-5 hours a night with the first 2 hard as hell - like a bomb could go off and I would just stay in slumber) I am waking up when it is dark and roaming the streets for exercise at around 5AM. I have been eating differently which has given me more energy. I'm curbing false energy (coffee) which on a Monday in a busy medical office had me ready to stick a line in my neck to infuse some java...but I'm working on it...
I missed an assignment in school because the due dates were flipped and confusing and I honestly had to laugh - all those days I cut high school and now in college missing an assignment I wanted to cut myself - I guess you do grow up sometime? Idk the jury is still out on that one...
The boys are great - My William is back in the gym lifting and is so handsome I question his genetics in relation to myself - My Michael, equally handsome, is mastering the guitar (on his own - thank you Popa Loggie for the play-by-ear gene, yes it ended up in a left handed Mickey) and he recently completed his first 5K (coming in 14 out of 121 runners - ummm holy shit!) My dog is still psychotic and in her old age her teeth are going crooked (i.e. hysterical)
The $ is rough right now but I got this school thing locked down as far as assignments go (even though I missed one -tenacity baby) and so I have decided (because ends are not being met) to work an extra 10 or so hours a week whilst going to school FT and still practicing my homesteading crap (hello hard cider) It won't be easy but I have been expending far too much energy in worry over bills & $ and I can carve out an extra 10 hours to feel like my face is out of water while I am treading it.
Halloween is upon us (read my Celtic Christmas) and I will be a witch (43 years running). Candy will be sparse because groceries had to be bought for day to day, but I had a very 'adult' feeling a very 'grown up' notion and it was this...
I can make it through because I am the head of this family (even though I have a vagina) I can pull up the reins and reel in the spending for the greater good. 10 years ago I wouldn't have been able to say that. As a side note it was 10 years ago this Oct. that I became divorced and married myself in a civil service where only I attended. 10 years. Blink
I laid in bed the other morning and had a thought....
I had lived in a gorgeous older home in 'Old Vernon' after I was married and for a couple of years after my divorce I would imagine winning a lottery and buying that beautiful old home back off my ex husband. And the other day I lay in bed looking out at the mountains and had an epiphany of sorts...Today I would never buy that home. Never. I'm just not that person anymore - and I am ok with that. I am on a different path. Don't ever underestimate the power of a thought or a moment - you can change your entire life in a moment of decision...I know...because I have done it.
I have achieved a strange reckoning with myself. I know me. I like me. Hell, I may even love me - but more than that I know exactly who I am and THAT is a power I never imagined being blessed with - Oh! if only I could've had this peace 20 years ago - but a smart woman once told me, the journey is all. I believe her now.
I trust me.
I have balls (not really but you know what I mean)
I'm gonna make it.
I'm happy.
I have dreams both awake and asleep.
I'm excited about my life.
I wish and pray the same for you.
Think about it. Love yourself - you are the only one that is truly with you until the end.
We are the stuff of stars - yet we aim for the moon. We are dust and it sparkles and it runs in the blood, our laughter and excitement never cease, they just expand into the nothingness and then further still.
I pray for you. Love. Trust Love for yourself, of yourself, of tomorrow - yes Virginia it is real.
Namaste.
