Cold Freezing Morning -9 degrees here- I really don't feel all that well...Flannel Sheets are a good thing

Hold Steady

 'In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.'

-Albert Camus

Larder (kind of)

Those of you that have been reading for a while know that I am a prepper at heart.  It is God's joke that I am still in a hermetically sealed townhome, but I do laugh along with him.  Today I am home sick, knocked down by a respiratory virus took hold of me and wouldn't let go.  At various times casual like minded folks ask me (rather covertly as if we are an underground group of sorts)..."Hey Christine...um...you still prep?"

Now some folks look at me differently, they wonder if I've got a tank buried in the yard, a panic room with an arsenal...I'll never tell ;)  But I do have what I call my preps (i.e. oversized 'pantry') and I do enjoy a certain preparedness in my life.  This has trickled down to my boys who will happily tell you, in a grid down situation mom will be just fine!  

We have been referring to this winter as 'The Endless Winter', the snow keeps coming, the ice threatens everyone, the stores run out of bread quickly, and folks are edgy.   Much like having a small emergency savings account to pull from if necessary, I've found it equally important to have a dry goods larder for the same reason.  It has morphed into something a bit different this year for sure.  Last November, I left a job to be more of a parental presence to two teenage boys (they are very good, but mom needed to be 'around' even if ignored to some degree.)    Believe me when I tell you there is no logical reason that the $ area of my life is working but it is.  I only took into account not spending $160/month on gas.  I kind of overlooked NOT being on the road for 2-3 hours a day, being able to cook real food as opposed to the 'I'm exhausted we are getting pizza to the tune of $30' here and there, I also overlooked being rested enough to have the where with all to plan meals instead of dealing with the stress of lunch being a catastrophic emergency resulting in a $10-$20 expense.  

The bills are paid, even though I am making less in hours.  Proof positive that the savings is more than just on gas.  My very good friend Cheryl said her father does sales and the company doesn't tally gas $ only, they tally that every mile/hour behind the wheel = a dollar amount.  He told her 'Crisy is saving around $500/month NOT commuting.'  I don't really understand that concept, but it must be true to some extent.  I would also like to add here that with that commute comes things you will NEVER be paid for but YOU WILL pay for in massive stress. The snow kept falling, and falling, and falling.  Every morning it did, I thanked my lucky stars I didn't have to get in that car and jeopardize myself and my ride.  A days pay would no way cover any of that.  I have 3 friends who smacked their cars up real good commuting this winter.  I work in an office that closes when it's unsafe.  Now because I work in town, and not for a huge company, I do not get paid for the days we are closed...but remember the emergency savings?  It takes time, it takes discipline but hot damn -dare I say it?-I feel like a grown up!

With that said I would like to explain that the same mentality goes for the 'dry larder' (this may be an oxymoron but so be it, it's what I call it).  This winter saw some family illness (see previous blog when I refer to the Trifecta) and enough Winter Weather Watch  to disrupt normal errand running, food shopping etc.  Because it was so cold and I am at the mercy of an energy company that rapes and pillages, our bills have been higher...much higher.  All this does is fuel my ass to settle up certain debts and reduce everywhere I can.   The most flexible place to cut a household is the food budget.  But how could I possibly do that with two teenage boys that literally text me from school at 10AM asking whats for dinner?  Let me tell you my pretties... 

I started out a few years ago taking an extra $ to the store with me every week.  Now I know people will freak - 'I don't have an extra $10!' Maybe you don't...but I'm sure you could find $5.00 or even $2.00 more a week (think doing the laundry, loose change etc).  The store by us sells Mac&Cheese 5 boxes for $2.00! Jar Pasta Sauce goes to $00.88.  I've seen canned Veggies  as low as $00.40 - with an extra $5.00 you could grab 5 boxes of mac&cheese, 2 Jar Pasta Sauces, and 3 cans of veggies...Your dry larder stock is born!  

I usually figure around $20 a week these days.  Some weeks this will go to a single item (toilet paper) but then I don't have to buy that for a month.  Sometimes I skip a week so the following week I will have $40 to spend - that time I purchased 20 bottles of my laundry detergent at $1.99/each.  I have rice, oats, cereals, peanut butter, canned goods etc.  Now my larder resembles a tiny store.  With the weather the way it's been, I've literally been shopping at home.  When the bills come in and they are outrageous, I go to the larder and maybe that week I will just buy perishables (milk, eggs, fruit,etc) and shore up the cash to keep the heat on.  This year I can count about 3 weeks I've done this intermittently and i figure it has saved me some serious cash.  (BONUS!!! Incidentally, end of last year I nabbed 20lbs of salt (individual 1lb canisters) @$00.33 cents each (Aldi's, LOVE ALDI'S!) Now I'm in the Endless Winter and there isn't salt anywhere to be had, but our little walkway has been lovingly sprinkled in the AM for the last 3 days...so we don't break our collective arses...

I do freeze some things - Butter (on sale), Bread freezes nicely, and quite by accident lunch cheese got put away in the freezer...when it thawed it was fine!  Guess what I'll be doing when cheese goes on sale?  It's a good and strange kind of feeling when you can shop from your own larder.  You don't worry so much about waiting out the storms, or redistributing your cash...you just use your cache!  When you start practicing this it carries over into other areas of your life as well.   And sometimes you will be in a position to help someone out - as a single mom a jar of peanut butter, jelly, and a loaf of bread can save the day.  I do buy other things like spices, water flavorings, and creature comforts...just in case..I guess I'll always be a grid down girl....hey you never know!

Grab your extra change and start a small dry larder of your own, you'll be glad you did...most likely when you least expect it

Namaste

Dignity

We've had nonstop snow in this area.  I was driving to meet someone to unload an antique trunk when I caught her out of the corner of my eye...cold stone foundation...empty for a while.  No Trespassing Signs and For Sale Signs.  Rusted Barbed wire.  Still proud. 

I get lost thinking of the slow lush sound of humble animals, the gentle breeze that caressed the hill she sits on. How fertile this earth must still be, just waiting to be asked to the dance of abundance.  Cars rush by without a nod, yet still she stands her ground.  Like a good woman, she deserves so much more...I can only hope someone of substance gets their hands on her, loves her and holds her tight..how I wish I could hear her stories.

My Tiny Bath One Day...

All the greatest personal achievements of man started out with a thought...

Author Unknown

          Just checking in, school is going great...better than great. In addition to taking two formal classes this semester, I signed up for an Ecourse from Comet Camper about downsizing your stuff/life.  It's been amazing!  After the trifecta of 3 important male role models in my life being struck with health crisis' (Dad, Ex husband, and my youngest son Michael (the roughest of all)) I finally was able to exhale and regain some footing.  I have this entire week off to be with my boys (Yay, new job!) and to be reflective and write so more on the trifecta later...   

           I have THE MOST AWESOME of relatives coming down from MA today so there is running around to be done; I am meeting several people who are buying some things I'm letting go of (Yay ecourse!), food to be cooked, & memories to make with the New England Celts.  I'm going to leave you with a visual riddle...

FOR SALE WHY?

Hardboard canisters $5

Old Milk Jug $20

Barnwood cabinet $20

Old trunk (coffee table) $25

WHY?  Because I don't need. I am clearing things out...lightening the load in many ways.  People are happy to receive them (esp at those prices!) and it's giving me joy to send them into love!  But the real reason is that for some time I have been doing a mental tennis match with wanting to live on a farm - economically I don't know that I would ever be able to purchase a farm...  But then when I really meditated on it I know I could work and save for a plot of land! (Beautiful Brain Works even when sleeping!)  But most likely not with a house...but a tiny portable home I could!  Enter The Tiny House!  Check out tinyhouseblog.com to see what I mean.  A portable home that you own outright - No mortgage!  A garden/crops to feed yourself - You know what you produce!  A flock of chickens - Eggs and zen!  It all starts with an little glint of an idea...

I have searched literally THOUSANDS of tiny home ideas over the last year and grabbed this pic as the inspiration for my tiny bath!  Inspire yourself - Life inspired is so delicious!

Tiny Woman (4'11") +Tiny Expenses+ Tiny Home = BIG LIFE!

Namaste

Rusted Mirror...

Getting very 'into' my advanced creative writing class!  I had to write a 'poem' that included the element of a road trip, a film, and a dream...For a girl in love with Shakespeare, Sonnets, and metered works this was a mess.  So I just let my mind wander...and it expanded...and this is what came out...

Rusted Mirror

My family was horrified, always.  Why couldn’t I stay put?  I was enamored with the place; the flux of coming and going, like a cosmic exchange.  Wanderer’s mostly.  Eye contact is usually avoided, as are those wishing to engage in conversation.  But a sizzling steak could be had and a hot shower for $3.00.  I could wash my own clothes, just mine.  It seemed warm, yet cold where it needed to be.  Had I been wrong?  I was off, this I knew.  Not in mileage, but definitely time…and most likely gender.  I had realized their fears one night.  I had been up too late, gone too long.  Those are the times the silence has its way with me.  I hit the mat like fallen tree in the desert, my density gone from the sun taking all.  I guess it was lucid?  There was, I don’t know, an awareness?  I drove a beat up late model resale into a filling station attached to a house.  It was a place where the owners got stuck.  Maybe they had made plans to move on, but that had been a few generations ago.  Human scavengers at best.  The raw creased girl motioned me to pull right up to the garage.  There was an older pump at left.  As I dug for my money, I barely noticed her motion to someone behind me; they were lost in the glare on my glass.  All at once the lights went out, a closed sign flipped in the window.  Vans had boxed me in.  I heard swamp like laughter; they had hunted and caught me.  Words began to scream in my head at my own stupidity, “No Waaayyyyyy! No Waaaayyyyy!”  I had read about this, and heard about it at the last family BBQ.  I chalked it up to urban legend, but goddamn, it really can happen.  Somewhere I intrinsically understood it was a dream, and I grabbed it by the tail.  In my in-between state my mind played with it; opening the door, smacking it against metal, being trapped.  It faded as the skim milk light crept through my makeshift curtain.  Time to get on the road.  It was a dusty hot one already.  I could do this out here.  I could make a life.  There isn’t anything out here except blessings and curses.  I could make a stand, like the environmental film I saw.  I could take it down to the bones, save humanity, become de-commodified.  I could shit in a hole in the ground not to play anymore.  I could set rattlers on fire, I mean I’d have to, how far is medical help anyway?  I’d only have myself to deal with really.  

Sunday in Cambridge...God I miss it

A dramatic sky from a former trip to Cambridge NY - Some days are just perfect

My son

Who knows when true healing begins? Perhaps its having the will to lift an arm that’s broken beyond belief in order to feel the passion in one’s heart; taking the perfect picture on an astounding winter’s day…Mike’s on the mend…follow up in 5 weeks. Amen.

Stock

“Nearly all the Gauls (Celts) are of a lofty stature, fair and ruddy complexion: terrible from the sternness of their eyes, very quarrelsome, and of great pride and insolence.  A whole troupe of foreigners would not be able to withstand a single Gaul if he called his wife to his assistance who is usually very strong, and have blue eyes; in rage her neck veins swell, she gnashes her teeth, and brandishes her snow-white robust arms.  She begins to strike blows mingled with kicks, as if they were so many missiles sent from the string of a catapult.  The voices of these women are formidable, even when they are not angry but being friendly.”
—
Ammianus Marcellinus, 4th century Roman (of Greek origin) soldier and historian.

Early Sunday My Town