You've much going on and it's wonderful, but you do not get to toss frustration and exasperation around like rag dolls. If your schedule is full that is no one's doing but your own. Embrace it however you like, but know the child in me won't become quite, wont hide from your inconsistency. I stand in balance. I do not need to be spectator to you imbalance. I used to be that girl that thought she was deserving of such witness. I'm not that girl anymore.
You do not get the opportunity to speak to me with forked tongue, acidic words, and false smiles then ask me to join you in social graces, non-accountability, and niceties as though I am to absorb what did not take place. I'm not that girl anymore. I used to be but realized I had a choice; it is again I choose, I'm not that girl anymore.
I sweated and prayed and blocked off time at 2AM to fill my brain, to gut my soul my heart with learning - to have an achievement that I could call mine. Everyday I carry that deep inside and view it on my wall in my soul's sanctuary. All my cells bright with photons of that light. Seconds, minutes, hours of life for anything less than what I deserve is a desrespect to self. I'm not that girl that cannot palpate her worth anymore. I wear it, I own it, I honor it, I drink it at every dawn and spew ink. I used to be that girl; the one that traded her time with the Universe, the lakes, the trees, sun and moonlight for pennies. I'm not that girl anymore.
I am not a being of smoke and mirrors. I am authentic, organic and true. My peace is not linked - it does not come from outside of me, it isn't achieved by proxy to anyplace, anything, anyone. Not anymore, not ever again, that girl is gone. She's just not with us anymore.
Like a piece of rough silver incarnate, the Universe polishes me. God holds me up to the light - my face is not yet revealed but the shadows are more defined with every lesson, every challenge. You were part of this cosmic alchemy, and for that I can call you nothing but friend and say nothing but thank you. Peace to you on your journey.
Namaste
