Some days it's as if a million little beliefs, practices, and reasons converge before you in a single moment. Things just 'feel' correct.
I've thought much about 'feeling' and the way things register with us on a cellular/spiritual level and have come to realize that many times this perception can prove more of an actuality than others. The universe throws us opportunities to share these gifts, however small, through odd circumstances...
I have known a woman for quite some time. I was a young girl that got a job in a housekeeping department of a big hotel (they paid the best for my age bracket and (un)skill level). There were older women that ran the teams of cleaners and some of them were nasty to the younger girls and some of them understood and had a kindness toward us. We had not yet learned the ways of things and the human conditions. We were young and untouched as of yet.
One woman had four children. Two daughters, two sons. For whatever reason; death, divorce, desertion, she was alone with her children and they had all migrated via two pickup trucks from Arizona to the tri-state area. They all found work and stayed with family. Finally they saved up enough working together to get their own place. At the time I could not even begin to conceive of the stress and victory such bold moves would provide oneself. I fully understand them now.
So time marched on, I moved to different positions and I would run into her from time to time around the neighboring towns. I would always ask how her children were, and after I had mine she would do the same. I became an adult, a full blown woman, then a single woman with children. Even thought we did not see one another often, we shared a camaraderie as such women do.
I became older, she became old. Life kicked both of us in the ass at times, but I could tell she was tiring of the fray, her children were grown and went off to their own lives; that is what we raise them to do.
Each time I would run into her I would comment that she looked well (sometimes more well than others - but still standing). She had given up on her beauty but gained a certain steel to her eyes - a sort of been there, done that, got the scars to prove it - not much scares me. I admired her and would always admire a necklace she wore - It was a simple moon on a simple chain. It had been with her - her signature piece as long as I could remember. It was as much her as her own face was.
Time marched. I had heard through a mutual friend that her oldest daughter wasn't doing so well. She had gotten in with the wrong crowd, the wrong guy, the wrong everything. a few more months went by and word had gotten back to my friend that her daughter died tragically. There was a few week lapse in her receiving this news; she had thought no news was good news but was darkly, horrifically mistaken. My heart ached for her. I watched her grow into a strong woman, she watched me grow into a strong woman yet she had sustained a blow that was unrecoverable in ways. I prayed for her, sent her energy, and shed tears.
I ran into her a few weeks later. I'm not one to touch people as I feel I take on far too much in an empathic way when I do, but this mother with her remaining children scattered in other states, required touch. She was alone. Walking through a parking lot. I walked toward her. She began crying. She knew that I knew. I said nothing and held her. She went primal - retching, shaking, moaning that moan of the darkest of nights. I held her for a long while. She let me absorb it - and I willingly chose to. The energy came in waves and her sadness touched my core. I didn't say much, because honestly what do you even say? The waves subsided and she straightened herself out. Though we knew one another, we had never been close enough for something like that...but there it was.
She left me that day, quiet and sad. We knew that time would do the rest of the work of healing and that time takes time to do it. Months later I saw her in a restaurant and she walked over to me with something in her hand.
'I want you to have this,' she said.
'I cannot take that! It is your signature piece!'
'You always admired it.' she said.
'No.'
'You take this Christine, that hug did more good than anything during that time, it helped me more than you could imagine - I want you to have it.'
I could not refuse this woman, to do so would have been the greatest of insults I believe. I took it from her hands with reverence - she held my hands for a few moments without words, gave me a small smile, and left quietly. I've yet to see her. I hope she has found peaceful days to wait out her time before she and her daughter are together again, I pray for mothers everywhere as our journey can be bittersweet.
What if all the little things you say and do really do matter? Be kind, be generous of yourself - you may be giving you may be receiving, but we are all on a collective journey together here.
Namaste
